Unbalanced

This week is shaping up to be a troubled one. I’ve been trying to get myself organized and its taking much longer than I expected but I’m going to stay optimistic. I am starting to peel on my left hand shoulder because of my diabetes medicine; I’m not sure how I’m going to manage going to the zoo or any of the hanging out by the pool with my daughter this summer. We used to just go out there for hours at a time but I’m going to have to limit my exposure to the sun and invest in some sunscreen. I’m a bit tired because I’ve been getting wee amounts of sleep and last night I just crashed on my dining room floor and slept for a bit.

I think that I’m just off balance. I will not listen to Mr. Bobblehead’s recommendations that I don’t need to take my meds, the fact that I was acting all kinds of wonky proves that I should listen to myself and not give a darn what others say. So now I’m starting to feel much more level headed and I made significant process in getting myself back on track. However, I may have to check in at the hospital the week after next because my blood sugar isn’t really going down faster enough, I think I need to get a monitor so I can start figuring out my diet and I’ve been getting more exercise. But it isn’t enough. I’m hoping I can get things under control, I fear that I’ll end up like some of my relatives who didn’t take care of themselves. I’m trying to be optimistic and change my mindset to see the things that are occurring as a blessing and not as a curse. I think that in time I can make it, I just have to keep fighting to regain my sense of balance.

I admit I did mess up, I was doing so well with being single and accepting that if in this lifetime if I never got married I could be happy being as I am. Then along came this guy who I never would have expected that I could have had an amazing connection, and I was shocked because he was the last person on earth I would have tried to holla at. So time goes on and I’m really digging him, and then he pulls back. So I’m stunned and instead of letting go, I try harder. It backfires and I discover that he had a girlfriend, which hurts even more because he plays mind games and tries to blame things all on me. But, if you are the one with a girlfriend, and you give me the impression that you are single, aren’t you misrepresenting yourself? And if you are then I catch you lying and get mad because we could have had a wonderful platonic friendship and much of the drama that went down could have been prevented because I wouldn’t have tried to think like that knowing that you are someone’s man. So now I really dislike him and I wonder if this friendship can be repaired because I feel betrayed and I would love to kick him in the nuts or call up my crazy cousins that owe me favors.

But, if I did that then I’d be yielding to the flesh, and that is what got me in trouble in the first place. I’m coping with losing him and I ran into a lady that was a Prophetess in the Wal-Mart parking lot. She came up to me and said that I was bound by the spirit of lust and that she could pray for me. Now, I’m picky about who I let pray over me because I know that some folks aren’t right and you can get their demonic influences if they lay hands on you and she said some things that really convinced me. So I let her pray for me, and strangely some of the feelings and things that I had been struggling with dropped off me like dead weight. I’m thankful that God saw fit for me to interact with this person and that I can get back to being focused again and stay in the shadows. I know that it seems weird that in a parking lot a stranger can walk up to you. I think that its awesome but also I’m scared about where I’m starting to go. I love that I’m changing yet I’m afraid of being successful which is crazy because I do have some successes in my life, but I still have fears about becoming whole in him and I just pray that things will change and I can be confident in him at some point in my life.

Tastes Like Chicken

Yesterday, I returned my Mom’s glass pan and instead of being subjected to being called one of many variations of Jezebel or Harlot, I had a great time chatting with her and I laughed so hard I had cramps in my stomach from her best Friend’s theory on Asian Food. Her friend swears that this Asian man told her not to eat any more food because they use questionable sources of meat. Then my mom says with a very serious look on her face “You know why they don’t have many funerals in Asia?”

I couldn’t answer that one, so she says “It’s because they cook the dead folks and they know how to season the meat so it tastes like chicken, beef, or pork.” At this point I’m laughing my butt off as she adds” and they use dog, cat and rat meat too, those spices are something else. I’m not going to eat anymore Asian food for an entire year. ” While I’m thinking about the Korean BBQ that is lining my stomach that I ate as leftovers for pre-dinner; she tells me about the lack of stray cats in Chinatown because they get snatched up in pillowcases by eager restaurateurs while fearing for their life. With each word this story is becoming far more hilarious and my side hurts because her friend is extra paranoid. I’m still planning on going to Panda Express this weekend and will make sure I pray extra hard when I bless my food. Speaking of food, Coke Zero doesn’t taste like real coke so my new fix will be Diet Dr. Pepper and Crystal Light.

So my mission for this weekend will consist of:

Getting my books and magazines weeded out.
Try to find someone to cut the metal rods of my file cabinet down to 14 inches so I can set up an active file system over the course of next week.
Rip some DVDS
Give my mini-sermon on Friday Night at 7:00
Work on setting up my organization system so once I pay my business fees I can get things rolling.
Finish organizing my closet.
Figure out what I’m bringing to eat for our between 11 AM and 3 PM Church services.
Have 2-3 workout sessions.
Open my package of books and finally finish my reading and Individual projects.
Print out my calendar for May and June 09.
Finally, I will have some Prayed over Panda Express with veggies and I will enjoy it.

Its Been A Long Time

As a part of my new thing, I promise to blog more often and stop holding things in. Today I had my bloodwork done finally after two separate fasting sessions, the first time I tried to go in the morning but there were 30 people in the waiting room, so I ate breakfast and waited till work was over and managed to get in and out in 30 minutes. After that one I went to IHOP and thanks to it being virtually empty, I had a crepe and some eggs. Tomorrow I'm going to start finding diet and food info so I can eat properly, and take up exercise so I can reduce my stress levels. I was checking my grade from my Web Design III class and I aced my last two projects, I was worried because my lightbox script and my menu script had conflicts and I had to switch it out at the last minute. I think it came out pretty cool for me to go from being scared of website building to aceing all three of my webdesign classes is quite a feat for me. Now I'm starting to understand the code and think that I'm going to attempt a more complicated design.

I posted my pictures from the pride parade at http://www.ginacalhoun.com/2009prideparade/ I know I get a lot of flack from people about participating and my sexuality is always questioned about it. However, I'm confident in my orientation to know that I'm not scared to be around gay folks, because they are human, they just love differently, and some gay people have much more loving relationships than some straight folks. But that's just my opinion on it. I loved the vibrancy of this event and the eye candy, which is really top notch! My coworkers are fun, and I liked the shirts we wore this year.

Tomorrow I have to get cracking with outlook and organize my calendar for the new session and sync it with my Blackberry, I love having that aspect added to my life. I bought new notebooks and will organize my folder so I can have my materials in order again. I can't believe I have only 8 more classes to go and I'll be getting my degree, I'm proud that I hung in there although it wasn't easy at times because I had trouble balancing everything, but now that I have my color coded calendar and notebook and I map out my schedule now on a 24 hour basis, I am finding it easier to manage things and I'm starting to not put things off which is always a good thing.